


Circles

by attyohsehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genre Twist, Angst, Drama, Friends With Benefits, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 15:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15910683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attyohsehun/pseuds/attyohsehun
Summary: Baekhyun and Chanyeol are running in circles and Baekhyun just can't let go.





	Circles

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. Grammar errors are part and parcel of my existence TYVM.

"I’ll be back in an hour!" came  _his_  loud booming voice, followed shortly by the bang of the door which emphasized the unnerving silence in the room sans said voice, leaving a void which resonated deep within Baekhyun’s core.  
  
_And it’s so fitting how empty you make me feel, listening to these empty promises of yours._  
  
“An hour, my ass,” Baekhyun thought to himself. It was always this never ending cycle with  _him_ , not that Baekhyun is without fault, though. He acknowledges the fact that he himself enables this kind of behavior from  _him_. If only he weren’t such a pathetic loser pining for the affection of a man who he knew couldn’t give it to him from the start.  
  
And here he was for the umpteenth time, forcing himself to get up from the cocoon of blankets which was still warm from the body which left only a few minutes ago, but Baekhyun’s soul seemed to have been missing for ages. He burrowed his nose onto  _his_  pillow one last time, inhaling  _his_  musky scent for good measure and committing it to memory, not that he had to try that hard, anyway. He had every detail of  _him_  memorized long ago.  
  
Three years, to be exact. Three years which is about to turn into forever, or nothing at all. Baekhyun was rooting for the former, yet he knew within himself that  _nothing_  had a better chance of winning this round. That’s what he had with  _him_  anyway:  _nothing._  Sure, they did every possible thing a couple does together: they ate, made out, played games, watched movies, used each other’s online subscriptions, texted, sexted, slept together, and then  _slept_ together. But no, they weren’t _together_ , and Baekhyun was stubborn enough to keep on denying that he was more than a little sad about that. No, he wasn’t. Definitely not.  
  
Baekhyun finally withdrew from the illusion he himself concocted to blindly rummage through  _his_  closet for a fresh pair of clothes he planned to steal as yet another lame excuse to go back the next time to "return" them. He grimaced as soon as he straightened from the bed, a sharp pain emanating from his lower back which shot up through his spine. And then, stupid as he is, he couldn’t help the smile that slowly edged its way onto his face from remembering the cause of such pain.  
  
Baekhyun had to physically shake his head to rid himself of said memories, knowing it wouldn’t do him any good, yet not able to stop himself from falling in love just a little bit more than before he entered  _his_  room tonight. Oh boy was he thoroughly fucked, in more ways than one. He scowled as he felt the sticky substance escape his behind, getting up on wobbly legs as he collected his clothes from the floor and stuffed it in his backpack. It is true what they say:  _no one helps you once you’re fucked._  
  
Baekhyun busied himself with a shower, willing for the spray of water to wash away all feelings of resentment which flooded his senses every time he let himself slip,  _yet again._  If only a shower was all it took for him to flush all his feelings for  _him_  down the drain, how easier Baekhyun’s life would have been.  
  
Alas, life is anything but what one wishes for it to be, and Baekhyun finds himself more alone than ever as he turned the shower off and stepped out onto the cold air in the still night. There was still no trace of him, but Baekhyun knew that was to be expected. An hour never really was an hour when _he_ said it, much like how love never really was there whenever _he_ whispered them onto Baekhyun’s ears in the middle of their heated passion.  
  
_And it’s so fitting how empty you make me feel, listening to these empty promises of yours._  
  
He admits, he may be such a girl when he says he wants  _him_  to profess  _his_  love for him – if there really is actual love in the first place, that is.  _Wishful thinking, is all,_  Baekhyun thinks to himself. After all, who doesn't want to be reassured of their loved one's feelings, right? Because, yes, as much as he wouldn’t get caught admitting it out loud,  _Baekhyun does love him._  
  
They say actions speak louder than words. Baekhyun agrees. Yet actions could only do so much. Mere actions can mean an entirely different thing from what they seem to be implying. Actions may portray an entirely different emotion than what the doer wishes to convey. Actions are just that, actions. Without words, they are next to nothing.  
  
Of course, to say that actions are empty without words would be quite an exaggeration, but Baekhyun couldn't help but feel that way. He of all people would understand, as he had been at the receiving end of one too many empty words that made him aware that words without actions are just as bad. All Baekhyun wants is balance. Then again, you don't always get what you want.  
  
Baekhyun catches the tears on his cheeks with his fingers as soon as they fell, busying himself with mopping the floors of the apartment while watching the rest of the movie he failed to finish earlier when he got too distracted when  _he_  did that thing with his tongue against Baekhyun’s ears. He always was putty in  _his_ hands and Baekhyun hated that fact, but he would always succumb to  _his_  sinful ministrations anyway because it was  _him_ , and Baekhyun could never say no to  _him._  
  
Baekhyun feels like a fish inside an aquarium. He can see what the people outside are doing, and he knows that his owner cares for him because he feeds him. But whenever he says something through the glass, Baekhyun couldn't hear for the water would always dull the sound. He will never know for sure what lies beyond the glass. The same way he doesn't know whether he should practice self-respect and move on from being  _his_  doormat, or whether he should hold on and hope that one day,  _he_  would finally change his ways and love Baekhyun the way he knows he deserves to be loved. Because Baekhyun knew he's worth it. He'll make sure he's worth it. He only hopes that  _he_  would realize it too.  
  
After what seemed like eternity, Baekhyun finally let himself fall back to the freshly made bed as the closing credits of his third movie for the night rolled onto his laptop screen. He sat up on the bed for a while, admiring his handiwork as he scanned the spotless apartment for anything out of place – of course, he found none. He had so much time in his hands waiting for  _his_  promised one hour that Baekhyun thinks he has already killed all the germs in the apartment, his OCD kicking into full blast as soon as the second hour rolled by with not even  _his_  shadow in sight.  
  
Physically and emotionally drained, Baekhyun sunk onto the fresh sheets and allowed himself to cry once more, willing himself to focus on another movie rather than what  _he_  could be doing at this unholy hour. That seemed to be the only way Baekhyun could sleep nowadays, exhausting himself to a point where his body would just give up on itself, waking up the next morning with dried tear stains on his face as he allowed himself to breakdown when no one was watching the night prior.  
  
Baekhyun was jolted out of his reveries when  _he_  felt the bed dip and a weight settle on the other side of the bed, said weight getting closer to him as  _he_ edged in closer and hugged him from behind,  _his_  warmth bringing Baekhyun a painful yet comforting feeling. Bittersweet, indeed.  
  
"Why are you still awake? It’s three in the morning. Were you waiting for me?" Baekhyun can sense the smugness in  _his_  voice and he couldn’t help but get so frustrated at himself because every word he said was true.  
  
_Idiot, you said you’ll be back in an hour._  “Of course not, I was watching a movie and was about to nod off but you just had to bother me, didn’t you?” Baekhyun elbowed  _him_  in the gut and pretended to be annoyed when all he wanted to do was turn around and suffocate the giant with his embrace and pepper  _his_  face with kisses and never let go.  
  
“Liar! You just couldn’t get enough of  _this_  earlier that you just had to stay up to get some more sugar, didn’t you?” came the expected teasing from the younger, coupled with a playful thrust of the other’s hips against Baekhyun’s backside, earning a stifled sob from him which the other took as a breathy moan.  
  
“You’re incorrigible, you know that, right?” Baekhyun shoved the other off him, internally berating himself as soon as he did because the loss of warmth was almost too much to bear.  
  
“And you put up with me, anyway. Is it because of my big...  _nose_? Come on, you know you want to,” the other comically wiggled his brows at him and there goes that inexplicably attractive smirk again that Baekhyun had to physically restrain himself from jumping the other by gripping the sheets with his hands.  
  
“No, I’m tired. Keep it in your pants, Mister,” Baekhyun turned his back from the other to hide his blush, relaxing when he heard  _his_  footsteps start towards the bathroom.  
  
“Oh well, your loss. Just tonight, ten people would have killed to have a bite of Park Chanyeol’s sexy body, and you wanna pass up this opportunity? My my, Byun Baekhyun. Were you always this stupid?” the giant had the audacity to laugh before Baekhyun heard the bathroom door shut and he was left to his own thoughts once again.  
  
Baekhyun swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed his eyes shut to keep his tears from falling. He felt so frustrated that Chanyeol could talk about these things so freely. Didn't he notice how Baekhyun's mood would drop whenever he mentioned his date's name after they've recovered from their orgasm and were sane enough to actually talk? Did he not see how Baekhyun would just jump him whenever he shares his views on who's hot these days? Perhaps, he’d think that Baekhyun was just horny even though it was just the elder's way of shutting him up so he wouldn't hurt anymore from hearing of his interest in other people. Sure, it always ended in sex so that would seem to be the case. It was a routine they had made – and Baekhyun just realized that he was the one fueling it. He was the reason why they were  _running in circles._  
  
But seriously, didn't Chanyeol realize the meaning behind his actions? He would know that Baekhyun likes him at the least, wouldn't he? Then it hit him.  _Chanyeol knows but he just doesn’t care._  Why would he complain when Baekhyun just makes everything so easy for him? He doesn’t care if Baekhyun’s hurting because the sex is good and Baekhyun gives him relationship benefits without demanding for a relationship. That is  ** _the life_** , why would he put a stop to something so convenient? Wow, Chanyeol was right,  _Baekhyun really is stupid._  
  
Baekhyun thinks back to all the memories he shared with Chanyeol in the past three years. In retrospect, it never really crossed Baekhyun’s mind that he would want a relationship with Chanyeol. He was quite sure that he would never fall for his goofy friend with his toothy grin and clumsy antics. Not in a million years. Which is why Baekhyun thought their arrangement was super convenient. He got to have sex whenever he pleased without risking his emotions because it was Chanyeol, goddamn it, and there was no way in hell that he would ever fall in love with him.  
  
Looking back, Baekhyun could only sigh at how stupid he indeed was. But stubborn as he is, Baekhyun could never bring himself to admit his feelings to Chanyeol. While he always did the younger favors like cooking him his favorite food or ironing his clothes, Baekhyun never once did tell Chanyeol that he loved him. Whenever Chanyeol would absentmindedly squeeze his hand and play with his fingers as they watched a movie, Baekhyun would see to it that his face remains passive – afraid that Chanyeol would feel the somersaults in his stomach resulting from his mere touch. Whenever Chanyeol leans his head on Baekhyun's shoulders, the elder would just shrug him off – afraid that he wouldn't be able to help himself and lean onto him as well.  
  
_Oh, how he wanted to._  God knows how he wanted to. But the image portrays so much that of a couple in love – which of course, they aren't. So Baekhyun just walks away and leaves a confused Chanyeol behind. Baekhyun wasn't one to risk believing in false hopes anyway. And everytime they had sex – yes, sex – you couldn't really call it making love if only one party is emotionally involved, can you? Baekhyun would always leave the bed and head for the bathroom whenever Chanyeol edged in closer to spoon him from behind. Cuddling is for lovers and they were... not exactly that.  
  
“Oh god, you wouldn’t believe this Wendy girl… she was so flexible like…”  
  
Baekhyun wasn't even aware that Chanyeol had already gotten out of the shower and was apparently talking to him but that sentence sure did catch his attention. Why Chanyeol tells him about his escapades was beyond him. Sure, they weren't in a relationship or anything, but he of all people should know that Baekhyun wasn't the type of person who would go for casual sex. Sure, Baekhyun knew they could very well be best friends given the circumstances, and it would be natural to tell your best friend everything, but still.  _Well, best friends don't fuck each other but that's beside the point._  
  
Baekhyun felt angry, and perhaps, a little sad that Chanyeol was telling him things that hurt him, yet he has to suck it up because he has no right to be hurt in the first place, as they're not in a relationship and all. Still, the anger in him didn't seem to subside even when he took deep breaths so he did what he does best. Baekhyun escapes.  
  
Baekhyun mumbled a lame excuse about how he has to go to work early before storming out of Chanyeol’s apartment and leaving the dumbfounded giant before the latter could persuade him to stay – which Baekhyun knew the latter would have no difficulty whatsoever doing. Baekhyun belatedly realized how stupid he sounded when he realized it was a Sunday, but it was all he could do to hold on to any semblance of his sanity, albeit a temporary remedy. He was just too scared to let go of Chanyeol completely so he postpones the matter for another time and escapes momentarily – the only escape he was capable of at this point.  
  
Baekhyun realized that he has been escaping a lot. Then again, he couldn't blame himself for doing that. He only wants to elude the cruel reality. He has been asking the same questions for the longest time, yet he is afraid of the answers because that would mean that his 'what-ifs' would turn into what is. Once he lets those three words out, there is no turning back and Baekhyun is afraid – too afraid to admit his feelings to Chanyeol because he felt that once he lets it out, he would be vulnerable – heart out in the open for Chanyeol to rip out as he pleased. As if the bastard wasn’t doing just that already.  
  
Baekhyun jolts when his phone vibrates in his pocket, and he couldn’t help but smile at the message on his screen despite his situation.

From: Yeollie  
  
_Why were you in such a hurry to leave? You wanted to poop, didn’t you? HAHA. But you could have pooped here, bro. I wouldn’t judge. Srsly though, come back. IMY!_

_And it’s so fitting how empty you make me feel, listening to these empty promises of yours._

From: Baekkie  
  
_Of course, you couldn’t judge even if you wanted to, asshole. You’re the poop monster! I could smell your poop from a mile away. Lol I’m too sleepy to come back. Good night. ~~I love you.~~_

Baekhyun hurriedly typed a reply, deleting the last sentence before he pressed send, drifting off to a fitful sleep with only one thought in mind:  _Tomorrow, I’ll tell Chanyeol. I’ll end it. Maybe._


End file.
